Dubious Adventures

NO.

So, I live in Hawaii now.

Took that on the way home from the gym using my new iPhone. Not too bad, I think.

I’m settling in slowly but surely here. It’s been hard with no one I know in Hawaii yet and no car, but in much the same way that living in Japan taught me to shore up my weaknesses in the realm of driving, I have already begun my training for the 2016 Olympics in the field of Orienteering. As long as they let me use my iPhone with GPS, I should be a shoe-in for a “Finished” ribbon. Just like back in my school days….

I haven’t had much time to do any touristy-type stuff yet because I have had neccessities to handle, but Heather gets here tomorrow and so it will be time to pull out the old D70 and go to town. Or, “Town” as it is sometimes referred to here.

I have a book of trails to hike and beaches to snorkel, so as soon as I get a bike and some shoes (and a job) then this website will be filled to the brim with more information than anyone could ever possibly want because it will make them jealous unless they live here too which a lot of my friends do now. So keep an eye out for that, yeah?

I wrote this on 7/22.

Sitting, riding the train out of Tamba, never to return, a thought occurred to me: ‘What if I forgot something?’

The thought itself was not too original, sure. It’s one I’ve had often enough, given the semi-nomidic life I have lived up to this point. This stream-of-consciousness, though, led me to remember the last time I was struck the this particularly strong worry that I had left something important somewhere I would never see again: I wasa sitting on a plan, about to leave Chicago, bound for Tokyo.

Everything was so similar, sitting in my seat in my chosen mode of transport, traveling clothes on, bat at my feet, that there was a sudden and tremendously strong sense of deja vu. What pulled me out of it just as suddenly was the realization that there was one variable that was completely different this time: me. Much like seeing yourself in the mirror every day blinds you to the subtle physical changes in your appearance until you see old photographs, it wasn’t until I compared myself as I am to day to the person I was those years ago that I finally realized the depths of the changes that I have made.

I have, for the past six months or so, become increasingly tried and more than a little bitter at both the JET Program and life as a foreigner here in general. This as been exceedingly obvious to those who have had the misfortune to be around me on a day that, God forbid, someone stared at my white skin. The fact that I am now leaving, though, has given me some valuable, and much-needed perspective.

I am a different person than I was the day I got here. And I can say that is across-the-board, without exception. I LIKE all of the changes I have made, too. It is said that character is earned through the challenges we face. Don’t get me wrong, I am not pretending that I have spent the last 24 months dodging bullets in a war zone or anything, but two years in Japan does provide new and trying experiences that most Americans can’t or won’t even begin to conceptualize.

I could go on at length about the different specific things that I have done (and have had done to me) here, as well as the specific character changes that each experience has wrought, but I won’t. They are personal, and they are my own. Suffice to say that I have found a strength in myself that I can been convinced was there before, but was really just bluff and bluster. I speak here not only of physical strength, but also of mental character and a fortitude of character as well. I know now that there are very few things that I cannot do, and do well, as long as I set my mind to them completely. Seen in that light, being started at on the bus really isn’t so bad, is it?

So there it is, folks. My last blog from Japan. In 24 hours I will be on a plane to my new home in Honolulu, and in 72 hours I will have internet access again. See you on the other side.

Probably not my last post from Japan, but what better way to celebrate my last day of work than by posting on my blog?

Someone is taking me to the train station in 15 minutes, whereupon I will depart Kaibara forever. I have 8 more days in Japan, and since I have finished packing, they will be spent…sitting. I have a lot of American TV to watch, and a lot more Japanese to study before the JLPT in December. Also there is that whole “moving to Hawaii for the first time” thing that I should probably get ready for. I got us an apartment, though, which is a start.

Time to blow this popsicle stand.*

*It is too hot here to sustain the existence of popsicles. I was using a metaphor.

I went to a Let’s Gossip About Other Teachers/Oh, Yeah Dylan Is Leaving Too party tonight, and it was a lot of fun. Only 6 teachers showed up, mostly ones I liked, and they were drunk before the second course. Speaking of which, this was the menu for tonight:

*Note: all ingredients were found in/around Tamba and were VERY fresh.

First course: Tomato stuffed with wild rice, toped with olive oil and basil.

Second course: Fois gras served on kabocha with cantaloupe.

Third course: Tagiatelli with shrimp and mussels in a cream sauce.

Fourth course: Sea bream ceviche with Japan-famous Tamba beans.

Fifth course: Squid ink risotto.

Sixth course: Steak au poivre with a DELICIOUS latke-esque potato side.

Seventh course: Tiramisu with just-made vanilla ice cream and capuccino on the side.

(Sorry there are no pictures, I didn’t even think to take my camera.)

*The second through sixth courses were also all paired with wines recommended by the sommelier.

Now, while I may be underexposed to haute cuisine at this point in my life, I have been awfully busy studying it for the past year, and I enjoyed every last bite of what I ate this evening. High points were the fois gras/cantaloupe combination paired with a 2003 chardonnay and the squid ink risotto. The only thing I was even slightly disappointed with was that 2 of my 85 or so mussels were a little gritty. I 我慢ned, though, and really loved my food.

Just a few more months and I will be the one cooking meals like that! The very thought buoys my spirit. See you at the table.

My last day of work is 3 weeks from today. I started packing last night, so things are getting really real now. For real.

We’ve spent the last bit of time the best way we can here in Japan, seeing all of our friends. You can read more about the Tigers game we went to on Heather’s blog, but suffice to say that I got to eat nachos and see myself on the JUMBOTRON.

We had fun.

We also went to Toys ‘R’ Us SELECT, whereupon we met Darth Vader, composed completely of Legos.

Then a guy went crazy and started yelling about how he wasn’t Chinese and so he could not possibly be stealing toys. He got even more belligerent and kicked over a display. Sir, do you think I went to Toys ‘R’ Us Select for that kind of shopping experience? No. If I wanted to have my shopping experience sullied by angry racist tirades, I would have gone to Toys ‘R’ Us, thank you very much.

We went to the gym on Sunday, as per usual, but this time we informed them that we would be leaving their horrible, horrible facility forever and ever at the end of July. We got the pleasant surprise that we had already paid our last month’s exorbitant membership fees, and were free of responsibility in that regard. In exchange, however, we got RED STICKERS on our magnetic entry cards, so that everyone knows that we are big quitters. They’re like the Scarlet Letters of the sports club world. Still, Powerhouse Gym here I come, naked Japanese pensioners, see you.

Looking ahead now, I have to go to the dentist tomorrow to have my teeth cleaned and looked at before I leave Japan and my national health insurance, and then go to the hospital on Thursday to have the tires kicked. I can’t say I’m looking forward to being shoe-horned into a job just so that I can have insurance in the US, but I can say with supreme confidence that I cannot wait to be free of the medical system here in Japan. The trade-off will be more than worth it, I can assure you, Dear Readers.

I also have a “going away party” on Friday. I see it being extremely awkward, as I have never spoken to at least half of the 8 (eight) attendees. One guy, I know for a FACT, doesn’t even know my name. It has been strongly hinted that I will be getting a gift, however, so I will grace them with my presence. (If any teachers are reading this, Heather and I really want a Playstation 3. Thanks.)

A lot of JETs we have spoken to are getting into that headspace where they are starting to miss Japan already. I’ve been there. Summer 2005 wasn’t easy. This time? Nothin’. NOTHING but anticipation. I bet by the time October rolls around Heather and I will begin casually mention to each other the things we miss about Japan, as the horrible negativity we have gathered around ourselves like a child’s treasured safety blanket begins to slowly fall away.

Until then, though? HAWAII. 4 WEEKS.

As Heather and I walked to the gym yesterday, we realized something: we only have 4 more Sunday afternoons in Japan together. On the fifth Sunday Heather will be on a plane back to her homeland of New Mexico, and I will begin my week of nomadic existence before flying to Hawaii.

I have left Japan and moved back to America before, but I know that this time is going to be completely different. Last time I left I was in tears on the airplane (before I started receiving free booze, at least), this time…I don’t see that happening. And not just because I’ll be completely doped up on Xanax, either.

When I was here for college I took full advantage of the college experience. I made 4 of the best friends any man can be lucky enough to have and I had more jaw-droppingly amazing experiences than the average American has in an entire lifetime. On JET, though? Not so much. The number of friends I made is smaller, and most of them are moving to Hawaii with us, so I’ll actually see them more than I do here. As for experiences, my jaw has hardly dropped at all for the last 2 years.

This time on JET has been productive, but only in a really prosaic way. I have learned to manage my money, and I have built CHARACTER (which I see now as an almost dirty word.) I have become a much better driver, and I have learned to take some OK pictures.

I have learned a lot more Japanese, and I have started getting myself in shape. I have learned both physical and academic discipline. I have learned to be more comfortable when I am the center of attention, and to be more comfortable when everyone is pretending like I am not in the room.

I have learned a lot. I have changed a lot for the better, and I will never regret my time here. But lately I feel like I have gotten all I can possibly get out of Japan. I have been living a life of constant change and travel for 7 years, and I find myself still seeking that next big move, that next big change. With Hawaii 6 weeks away, the hurry-up-and-wait attitude I have been forced to adopt is…grating, to say the least. I think my feelings at this point can best be summed up in the expression of one of my students, pictured here at one of The Most Exciting Days of The Entire Japanese School Year:

4 more Sundays.

When confronted with the question “Where would you go if you could go anywhere in the world for a dream vacation?” typical Japanese responses are along the lines of:

• I would go to Kyoto, I like history.
• I would go to Fukuoka, my grandparents live there.
• I would not go to foreign country, because many Japanese people are deceived there and it is unsafe.

Given all the money in the world, they would rather take a train 3 hours to see their grandparents than see the Taj Mahal, or swim with sharks, or backpack across Europe. When I ask my kids about this, they often say that foreign countries are just not as safe as Japan. That is certainly true, to an extent. However, the idea being propagated that Japanese people should never leave is not good for them.

It certainly wasn’t good for the seven people that were murdered in Akihabara the other day. 25 year-old Tomohiro Kato started driving his car into people and then stabbing others, after posting about what he was going to do on the Internet:

Kato first announced his crime on a mobile phone site at 5:21 a.m. on Sunday, according to MPD investigators. The message he posted was titled, “I will kill people in Akihabara,” and started with the lines: “I will drive into a crowd, then I will use a knife after I’ve finished with the vehicle. Goodbye everyone.”

He later apparently entered such messages as: “It’s about time. Let’s go,” (at 6:31 a.m.); “Well, I don’t care. Even though it’s going to be a small-scale attack, I will do it even if it rains,” (7:47 a.m.); “It’s a day for pedestrian paradise today, isn’t it?” (11:45 a.m.); “It’s about time,” (12:10 p.m.)

Jesus.

And while this is the worst such incident, it is also only the most recent. In the last 10 years there have been 67 multiple stabbing incidents here. Obviously something is happening.

Here’s what gets me: Japanese police officers have guns. But apparently it would look unseemly for them to USE those guns. Check these out:

[...]

Kato fled when another police officer carrying a baton approached him, running, waving the knife from side to side, counterclockwise half way round the crossroads. As shoppers bolted, the suspect stabbed one after another from behind before running off to the south.

[...]

and [...]

Kato was struck several times with a baton by a police officer – to little effect – and was eventually subdued when the officer drew his handgun.

[...]

So he stopped when they drew on him, but the first officer’s baton did such a horrible job that he allowed other people to be stabbed. What is the solution, though? OBVIOUSLY, it is to restrict knives!

[...]

The Japanese government indicated Monday that it will consider tightening restrictions on access to knives with large blades.

[...]

Really? REALLY?!? That’s your solution? Tighter knife laws? Bad news, guys, that’s not going to get it done. Not with the enforcement standards you’re using now, anyway.

If this whole Hawaii thing doesn’t work out, I’m going to come back here and run for Emperor. I only need one year to fix this mess. One year!

For the last year I have casually mentioned my fitness goals on this site every once in a while, but have left the majority of (sparse) updates on my fitness blog. The information contained in my brand new pink Minnie Mouse folder is too important to relegate there, however.

On Saturday evening Heather and I went to our “gym,” the Konami Sports Club in Okubo. We didn’t go to work out, though, but rather to have our body compositions checked. See, our first body check was done on 6/2/2007, so Saturday was 364 days later, and we thought we owed it to ourselves to see what damage we’d done.

Without further ado, some numbers (DYLAN):

6/2/2007:

Height: 5 feet 7 inches

Weight: 72.5 kg

Arm fat (ewwww): 13 mm

Leg fat (ewwww): 18 mm

Body fat percentage: 30.4% (OBESE)

Weight in fat: 21.8 kg

Lean mass: 50.2 kgs

Bad times, friends. Bad times. I have pictures to prove it. BUT NOW!

5/31/2008:

Height: 5 feet 7 inches (DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!)

Weight: 69.6 kg

Arm fat (ewwww): 5 mm

Leg fat (ewwww): 7 mm

Body fat percentage: 16.8% (NOT AT ALL OBESE)

Weight in fat: 11.4 kg

Lean mass: 57.4 kg

YEAH.

For those of you that don’t speak the Holy Language of Metric, let me break that down for you:

I am the same height, which sucks. Whatever. I’m going to get some taller shoes or something.

It APPEARS that I have lost only a few pounds, but that is deceiving. You can see from my fat mass/lean mass numbers that I have, in fact, lost 22.9 pounds of fat and GAINED 15.9 pounds of muscle. This is despite the facts that a) Japan completely sucks for getting in shape and b) my Crohn’s meds have the unfortunate side-effect of breaking down muscle tissue.

I have also lost 1/3 inch of fat on my arms, and nearly 1/2 inch on my legs. God, just writing that makes me realize how much I just didn’t care about my body AT ALL just one year ago. Suffice to say, though, I look a lot better now. I am not posting pictures yet, but rest assured I will before my time in Japan is up.

I also feel a lot better. I have more energy than I ever thought was possible, and my lifts have all increased more than I thought they would, even in a whole year. Even better, maybe, is how much damn CHARACTER I have now. I have developed mental discipline that serves me in every area of my life, and I owe it all to the intense amount of effort I expend every day to reach my fitness goals.

I am not anywhere near finished, though. I am still planning on dropping another 10-12 pounds of fat before we move back to the US, and even then I am only going to be about 1/4 of the way through my body recompositioning. 3 more years of hard work and even harder “dieting” and I’ll reach my goals, though. I will continue to keep everyone updated, though, via both this blog and the fact that I will no longer be wearing any clothes.

I left the house the other day and was confronted by something that rocked my delicate sensibilities to the core. I saw what can only be described as a frog…”making love” to my bicycle. This was obviously something I was unprepared to see. Anyone who knows me knows that I am made uncomfortable by both amphibians as well as physical intimacy between animate and inanimate objects. Luckily I was able to face the situation head-on and solve it by screaming like a girl and using a hose. I wish all difficult situations in Japan were so easy to fix.

Speaking of which, I am in the middle of a fight for my life right now, or at least for my livelihood. When I came to Japan as a JET, I was promised a free plane ticket back to the United States upon successful completion of my contract. I have budgeted my Hawaii-movin’-to money accordingly. Now, however, the Hyogo Board of Education (BoE), the body in charge of purchasing my plane ticket, has decided they will only buy a ticket bound for my original port of departure: Chicago.

Several things are wrong with this scenario: first and foremost among those being that people are not doing exactly what I want them to. This is unacceptable. Upon first hearing that I wanted to change my destination to Honolulu, the BoE flatly rejected my request. When I appealed, they told me to write a letter about why I wanted to move. I did so. It was returned without being read, and rejected out of hand. Because it was in English. Which is what they told me to write it in.

My school is attempting to help me out to an extent, so the BoE told them to contact a travel agent and price tickets to both Chicago and Honolulu from Osaka. I have not been ALLOWED to see the prices quoted, but in the course of my own research (omg internet), I have discovered that tickets to a place that is closer to Osaka (Honolulu) are cheaper than tickets to a place that is farther away (Chicago.) Keep in mind that Hyogo is so incredibly broke that they are cutting approximately 50 of the 150 ALT jobs here next year. But they would rather buy a more expensive plane ticket than admit that sometimes there are exceptions to rules.

Another problem with this is that although the sheet that they BoE distributes to ALTs (only in English) says nothing of the sort, the JAPANESE information sheet (not for ALTs) says that they will change your destination if you are going to go somewhere new for school. Well, I am. I am going to Hawaii to attend UH, but I have to wait a year to apply so tuition rates drop from $56,184 per year to $27,000. Again, exception. Again, unacceptable to them.

I have submitted more documentation to them in Japanese this week, and now I am waiting to see if I have to go there in person and do something crazy. Let’s all hope not. Or hope so, whatever.

Jerks.

Everyone has pet peeves, right? I know I do.
If you are sitting next to me, and I am not eating anything, THEN YOU DO NOT EAT ANYTHING! Do you hear me? Because I can hear you, that’s for sure. It should not take you 21 damn minutes to slurp a tiny bowl of soup. Soup is banned now. And how many sembei can you possibly eat when you’re done with your soup? 8?! Are you kidding me?!? I hope you’re happy, because sembei is banned now, too. AND THEN YOU DECIDED TO START GARGLING AT YOUR DESK. Color me shocked pissed.

One more thing: Next time I hear you make noise with your food when I am just sitting there minding my own business, I will punch you in the face 7 times. Consider this your last warning.